does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he was CRYING into my vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
