I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
should my penis look like a turkey
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize