I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
