I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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