I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
