I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
