So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
