So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
