I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
