please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
