The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
