I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize