its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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