It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
