Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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