Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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