Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
