She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
