Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
