I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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