I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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