I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
