The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
MIDGETS
????
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
