She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
