he puts the penis in happiness.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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