you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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