Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
