i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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