He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
