We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
