Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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