We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
