Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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