why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This baby is an asshole
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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