i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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