thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
