watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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