so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
