I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
