Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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