Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
