I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
