I think I won the penis lottery.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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