Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
