The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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