Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize