we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
