why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize