Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
