I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
