I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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