On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
