haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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