How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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