I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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