Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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