I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
