Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
