i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
