I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
