New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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