Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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