I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
