just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
