Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
