ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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