but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
