he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
