Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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