im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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