No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
nutella sex= disaster
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
