I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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