I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
