She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize