Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
