There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
These tits shall not be calmed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
