I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
