Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
