best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
