I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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