Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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