I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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